How Donovan Mitchell Changed The Tooth Fairy's Life

An important message from The Tooth Fairy.

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The Tooth Fairy On Donovan Mitchell

By The Tooth Fairy

Working the graveyard shift and paying money for children’s teeth has its perks, but not this week. Sunday night was disastrous. Jazz-Nuggets Game 4 began at 7pm and I only had time to watch the first quarter before punching the old timecard. First house I entered, a toothless child awoke while I was trying to slip a dime under his pillow and freaked out. His parents called the cops. They showed up and questioned me for an hour while I calmly tried to explain two things: 1) I’m not a pervert and not listed on the sex offender registry; 2) I had other stops to make before I could go home and finish the Jazz game on DVR, SO PLEASE DON’T TELL ME THE SCORE. They said they’d follow me for the rest of my shift — I agreed and plowed onward. For the next few houses, the tooth/money swaps were seamless. I crept into children’s rooms, took bloody teeth from beneath their pillows, and left one dime per tooth. Things were going WELL.

My sixth stop, I heard noise coming from the parents bedroom. I snuck closer and realized it was the Jazz game! Curiosity overtook me. I hovered by the door while ESPN announcers screamed over another 50 point Donovan Mitchell blast and I barged into the room for his climactic bucket, dimes spilling everywhere. Again, the cops were called. This time they weren’t so nice, slapping on the cuffs and emptying my pockets of teeth and dimes alike. It wasn’t until morning that I could scrabble together enough change to post bail and by this time, I was so sour I didn’t even want to watch the Mitchell vs Murray 50 point bonanza. But I did. Because I’m a good Jazz fan. And because I finally got another tooth fairy to cover some of my shifts during the playoffs. And no matter what happens to me at work, no matter how many children/parents scream when I enter their room, Donovan Mitchell will probably be scoring 50 points in honor of fans like me.


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